Having given it a lot of unecessary thought, I realized there is a niche out there for unrealistic toys and gadgets that every parent would happily purchase at the snap of a finger or the click of the mouse. Probably should prototype some of these soon. Pretty busy though, so I’ll just write them down so I don’t forget them and hope no other honest reader will steal my idea.
ANNIE’S LIST OF REALLY GREAT TOY IDEAS FOR PARENTS TO BUY MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF:
(Note to self: GET TO THIS LIST SOON)
Dart Flower Garden
An assortment of Nerf darts with flower seeds pressed into them. (Alternatively, might have a crabgrass defense system in them too.)
As a parent mows over them in the yard, the darts can also plant a garden, kill weeds, and the parent will not feel guilty about being too lazy to get off the mower and pick them up.
Automatic Wind Kite
Data I’ve never found shows that more people would play with kites if they knew they weren’t going to be wasting their time loading the kites and the kids in the car only to drive to the park and never get the stupid thing to lift off after having run a bloody 5k trying to get it to flop 2 feet off the ground. With the Automatic Wind Kite, every kite would go up and stay up.
The Interruption Interrogation
A Magic 8 Ball type gadget with parent programmed responses to help children gauge a parent’s reaction BEFORE they even proceed with said interruption. As I often tell my own children: Asked and answered.
Example child question: “There is something unimportant I need to say. Should I wake my mother while she’s napping on the couch and ask it?” Pre-recorded parent response: “This is a bad idea. Do you enjoy seeing your mother spit fire? Think twice and go ask your dad.”
Example child question: “I have a unnecessarily urgent need for Sour Heads. Should I ask my dad if I can have them while he is in the middle of fixing the water heater for the fourth time?” Pre-recorded parent generated answer: “Please, please do not do this. Do you want to see the age of 7? Secretly eat two and go do something else. He will never know you had two.”
An RC car with built-in cleaning/vacuuming features
As child races the car all over the house, chases the dog, and is hits their parent’s feet as they cook in the kitchen, the child can also be productive and do a little cleaning, too.
(Extra benefit would be to sell Swiffer shoes for dogs, so they can clean the hardwood while being chased by said RC car.)
Gaming headphones with a built-in voice morphing system
These headphones will change their child’s voice as they speak to other players so parents will easily know that the child is not not speaking to them, but, instead, to another kid. Eliminates the need for the parent to yell every five minutes, “What did you say? Are you talking to me or Thomas?”
Noisy Toy Remote
A remote that would give master control to the user to turn down/off the most irritating sound chips on every. single. toy. ever. created.
Barefoot Alarm built into every small, sharp edged toy
A light and siren is emitted from every single Lego piece, Thomas the Tank engine train, or any other sharp edged toy anytime a parent is barefoot. Would have a built in nighttime feature for nocturnal bathroom trips, too.
Stuffed Animals with a built-in homing feature This toy would take the initiative to find its place back on the child’s bed from any room in the house (or car) so a parent doesn’t have to go looking for it for it while there is a temper tantrum taking place about said missing stuffed animal for 3 hours after you put the child in bed.
So, these are on the list of million dollar ideas that we really ought to be inventing, but the last of the summer sun is shining and I could really use a nap.
Note to self: Get to that list tomorrow.
“There is much work to be done, and we are the ones privileged to do it.”
-Ilchi Lee